The Beautiful Unknown

by Plainspoke

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about

The Beautiful Unknown is the result of 29 days of effort in my first attempt at a challenge known as FAWM, or the February Album Writing Month, in which the task is to write 14 songs within the month of February.

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released March 1, 2012

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Plainspoke Denver, Colorado

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Track Name: All I Need
All I need
is a couple dozen therapists
don't even care if its
put me in the chair strap me to the air
schizophrenic grandmother
psychotic father
wear my coat of arms
when I go out as a martyr
The market's filled with people
I can't talk to
lest I read them
I don't want to
repeat this off-and-on truth
I feed them all the wrong foods
and beat them senseless
leave their boots cemented
bodies in the trenches
no trunk or car to get away
I hid away, in my head
Identify by a different piece of 'pape
I break my legs on played mistakes
and take a break to hope its dead
but never knows my name
I never said what was sent
forever lasts is ever in finite
the impotent state of the state
makes me
take all the time
and put it away in the base-meent
afraid of free, I take all the chances
every opportunity to land from the building standing
death is nothing new to me
I live and feel banished

All I need
is a regiment of medicine
I know you never said I'd ever be
much more than dead to friends
but damn, I'll see
just how far I can get on ten cents of liquid
pitch a tent in difference
tell them I will be the bitch
the guinea pig and swallow shit
I slip into the hollow pit
the hole within the fault of bliss
and follow swift like all the fish
I call bullshit and fall on in
but no one gets the stick
and so
I'm all that's been
lifted like a sticker on the lid
of some old tin
I fill a niche
I feel the itch
build and break like waves that you forget
ice flows that kill a ship
I s'pose I'm ill but no one's pissed
the bolsheviks show me not as this
but homies hold me nodding
all the businesses are flawed as
whispers in the wind are lost
like all the solvents
problems I'm never close to solving
all the things that I'm involved in
often falling off the ball and
all-in, I'm calling this the hardest
office ever offered
dolly parton
pardon me as I spew garbage
on the lawn that's
Track Name: Sunrise
I'm dreaming that my teeth are chipping
once again the feeling's different
want a faker smile but my feet are slipping
crocodile's listen
all the while this was just a prison
chipper shit's too much a bitch
and all the vicious circles liquify
like the lipids
I exist on a different plane of quiet bliss
the blisters pain me, paint me as lies and lips
I know I'm changing
but I try to hide it
never too drastic
We are always divided
I'm always stuck in the middle
just a rough image of an island

I watch the sunrise as it rises
watch the sunrise as it rises
rises rises rises rises
I watch the sunrise as it rises
rises rises rises rises
I watch the sunrise as it rises
watch the sunrise as it rises

I'm living a life that's all the rage
but it's like, living in a cage with the key
but no light to see the lock
and stopping before you beat the block
against your head
beat the clock by taking out the batteries
it's sad to leave what's never been
we believe that this life will never end
because there's always more time
for reaching around that next bend
but it's below waist that the all the water sits
gaining weight as we hold out for the apocalypse

And so
I lift my eyelids when the sun picks my team
to fight the night shift, I ride with the chariot
cherry-picked by I don't care that it's a scary flick
I flare the bits of ash toward their faces, kicking ass
and making names for ourselves, but the flakes hit
the bigger picture, making waves in the type
of blog-based scripture, like nothing you could wish for
this never goes right

I watch the sunrise as it rises
watch the sunrise as it rises
rises rises rises rises
I watch the sunrise as it rises
rises rises rises rises
Track Name: Daylight
Break face to save it later
As all the pages fade
and little strings of fate pull us together
as platonic mates
in musical endeavors and dates
exchange numbers and wait
for the day to begin
and the night to finish
fight till the end within the lies of limits
small beasts with big shadows
find their way into our hearts with forgiveness
when we speak
our breath is shallow
fall asleep
because every man is a sinner
at the cynical center of his galaxy
then his universe
as his salary increases
not only does his belt gain girth
but the week gives into weakness
feelings that trump facts
opinionated soundtracks to bounce back
what's been pronounced bad
and douse the flames
in clouds of ash
to obscure the present moment from the past
and when the clouds open, the moment has passed
but all the crowd's going every-which-way they can
but home and so we stand alone in the back

daylight
keeps us alive
--
like daylight
light light
keeps us alive (x4)
--
like daylight
daylight
keeps us alive
--
like daylight
light light
keeps us alive (x2)
like daylight

nothing's ever what it's cracked up to be
better to live in fantasy
than give up living half you see
but fallacies are maladies
flawed logic is my only problem
I'll have written all the volumes
with the sickness
different in all the columns
nothing but the dollar signs
and different colored collars
but none of them count as mine
It's all in the rigged up followers
chump change to make up time
And run in place when I'm walking
to speed up the distance
too busy with the distinct talking
taking from the rich to give to the poor
of vigor and happiness, not riches
that make you shit crooked, give a shit no more
the sappy bliss of a
big name in a bigger book, and
little bubble world too small to overlook
the tiny things that get you caught beneath the rubble
where no one would ever think to look
or go through the trouble
I know this good, better than the back of my hand
my only hope is that you can understand this
that you can understand this man
--
I don't even care about the questions
lessons learned best left unsaid
better to meddle than mess with the head
better to give it than get, or get it than give
not sure which, depends on whose got the growing dick
and goes with it, so slow to finish
tell a story, talk about the problems
and headless horsemen through allegory
and morse code every morning
an sos sent out to the nearest friend willing to help
but everyone's too busy moping about their own hell
I wrote about the tone of the bell, the road I felt
reverberating through the heart and mind
no concern of mine to start the mating
dance until a disconcerted lady friend of mine finds a
branch
I climb the branch
follow the vines to the end of the sky
and the top of the tree to see
what I've been missing
just beyond the rise of the distance
nothing to see but prisons
and prisms of existence

--
Track Name: Evening on Hovey (Handbook)
I watch the minutes pass
haze across the limits
last I heard
it was a piece of cake
but no one ever came
back from that sleeping state
I never finished my search
for real estate
beyond the distance of what's barely safe
Live out my days as an introvert
catch my breath on the sidewalk, in between steps
Just to trip on words and digest all the noise
to keep up the levels I guess
I guess I fill the void
in my chest with the voice in my head
Climb the tallest hedge
to bet my last dollar against the thread of fate
that connects me to every-which-way I never came
If I've ever laid my hands on a body in shame
I'm sorry, but that's the way that I was raised
Everything is replaced by bigger wastes of space
or so they say, as I
state my name

Looking through the thinnest glass
I see out
Into me

I don't look half bad in the cold
shoveling my way to a bad back, I suppose
Uphold my rules, my way of life, my ideals
anything that feels right
my friendships are like abandoned houses
in that they're beautiful untouched
nothing about them changes
no matter how much is undone
plain jane with her diamond ring
and the chipper one always bringing down the whole team
I'm an insignificant part of their lives
but I try to make sure that this part is the best of their time
and i do anything to keep them around but
I know we're drifting and that's just fine for now
soon it'll all go away
and I won't know what to do
not sure if everything will be okay
but I know they're out there somewhere, living their lives
and I hope to be doing the same
even if I'm in a different place and time
nothing ever really changes
as long as you know
they're somewhere out there for you
even if you forget where they go

Looking through the thinnest glass
I see out
Into me
Track Name: Of the City and the Forest
look at the skyline
fade into the clouds
like faces that aren't mine
facing the crowd
I walk in a straight line
down a street I've never been
hoping for the best
but getting no less
than deficits
of interaction
medicated, pre-meditated
talks and action
I wave but no one sees me
passerby pass me by
as I begin bleeding
but I'm bad at falling
didn't learn from the previous proceedings
ashes in the urn
are calling my name
but it's a cardboard box
because we treat the dead like rocks
and treat the living just the same

I pay for the pain
with my introversion
can't keep up the levels of dopamine
and I'm back for the burning
turning my back to the furnace
wishing it would pull me in
but back to the burdens
I met on a whim
through people I met
at a flimsy excuse for gathering
disjointed parts and techno-babbling
I pour my heart but it's vaporized
into the food that no one takes for mine
thrown away in paper rinds
don't remember my name but I'm
the only one that isn't making lies
Track Name: One Word
I like to think of myself as someone else
so far away, the distance is the only thing I've ever felt
Even when I'm close to people
separated by posters and quotes, I feel so alone
never equal, my peers are people I fear
never know what's real
hallucinate and hear things I know I'll never see right here
but a tear brings only more
think about the consequences of every open broken door
and consequently my defenses end at the window I never meant to be
meant to see so much more, but it seems our lives end in entropy
I relish the beauty of the chaos I wish you were meant for me
But I will stay off the lawn as long as you will be
my off-and-on partner in semi-criminal activities
make the most of our time here
before we have to live in deep
cities and townships, all the places I'd never want to live
so around this I draw a circle
within it a face, colored purple and grey
a grimace, but not the character
in a way I never cared for her
All I say is I'm scared
with a few pure teeth left to save
no one spared their first
As I ruminate on these thoughts
as I run away from all the things I wish I would've forgot

this is who i am one word at a time, one line
this is who I am one line at a time
one word, one line
at a time

Fighting the highs and lows
of sugar and blood pressure
one good day for every thousand or so that never lets 'ya
down and the sounds that make you better
get the tiny compliments where you hide behind your other self
the kinda men that bide their time well
and find the fence undisturbed
like the occupants
never walked across this earth
I talk again, running over the same words
with my famous pen
the one I carry where it hurts
research outside my comfort zone
but record in the bedroom
because comfort's home
I live to be dead too
just like everyone else
but that's not the goal they put
on their trophy shelf
or the objective in the resume
never want to tell
your future employers
you're looking forward to a vacation in hell

not that I believe in those statements
but they're mine and I might as well make them
everything I say is fair game for rephrasing or paraphrasing
afraid to ever say my name and i shrivel like a raisin
in the sun when I'm in front of a crowd I've never met before
think they're all talking about my flaws and what better they've seen before

this is who i am one word at a time, one line
this is who I am one line at a time
this is who i am one word at a time
give it time, fresh out
give it time, right?

just let it go
Track Name: So Dark Outside
The figures in the fog talk louder and louder
but I can't put my finger on what they're all about and
so I forget the simple talk, syllables and lincoln logs
the building blocks are glued together, just a little more acetone
to loosen up until something better falls from the sky, but we're already bruised enough
and our minds are toned too tight until they lose the stuff inside
at night, we close our eyes and look up, up into the sky, for the fighting spirit
orion's belt's mine for the stealing, mine for the feelings felt, feeling held
back to the first square, where we first dealt the first fears and
taught ourselves how to be the 'pers you see here
but I'm the only one
others are my double's shadows
in the lonely sun, the shallow pools of protoplasm grow, atom by atom
And though, I'm turning around, with my back facing the entrance
I don't worry about going down when the best of them aren't present

so dark outside
so dark outside

Blue eyes with dark hair, its the new thing I hear
replacing walks in the park with superficial artwork
doesn't touch the soul, just the irises and hearts of coal
So far, so cold
I bundle up, hoping it'll go away but knowing nothing ever does
I go a way I know I shouldn't but
stray from the path I set for myself
say that is that
but no one ever does the same
because of greed and rabbits in the cabbage patch
I carve my own lane made up of the fat
And slowly die, becoming ever larger than the stash
I grow and like, a token hole in my line of sight
I stroke the rope, pulling as holds so tight

steadfast to the goals
hope for the hole in one
ever faster it goes
coast to the boat you won
and hope for that hole in one

so dark outside
so dark outside
Track Name: Forget Today (Saadyah Tzvi)
He knocks but doesn't wait for a response
And talks on and on as we cross the quad
His garments scream sex, or so he says
but we don't believe the things we guess
until he decrees it's all in the decks
leave nothing to chance
but it's all hedging bets
and pants, wearing them around the ankles
handcuffs himself to the desk-bed at weird angles
all the property, all the rules must be followed
anyone talking about me, swallow the pills before we're followed
hollow hearts lit on fire by the opposite part, simple hallo?
a halo, pure of intention but bitter by indirect intervention
not to mention the letter that lets you lay low
and call bullshit on any ocean of legos
play the minecraft, eat the eggos
take your time with that, I'll wait across the road
and find the fastest ticket home
while you're fiddling with the keys on a rope
specifically paracord and your robe
wear the headscarf and bass pro hat
hawaiian shirt, nobody else will look like that

CHORUS
it's all okay
there's no need to worry or wait
tomorrow will come
before we ever forget today
so don't worry
tomorrow will come
before we ever forget today

He comes back
awake in the morning
not sure what day it is
disheveled but worn
and like a fading suit
frayed at the ends
warning us and
afraid of everything being true
the world bends around him
taking its time moseying
You can guarantee he'll bring a frown to your face
as soon as you're close to him
but let's take a step back or two
pose a question as we binge
as he drinks his coffee black
and bill sits, looking back
nothing fills time better than killing the gaps
Track Name: I Try (Wingwalker)
I don't have any lyrics for this. It's an improvisation.
Track Name: Night Watch
I went for a walk and I got lost

There's no way in, no way out
I'm not sure when to get up
because I don't know where I fell down
the hole now is all I'll ever be
just scratching at the walls of apathy
and never see the sun as it rises greater
than I saw set
the raw text becomes my next best bet
as all the pain piles up and I fall to bed
and rile up the crowd I led across the frozen surface
only the polar bears know that no one deserves this
I cross the street, looking for a sign or landmark
but all I can see is land that goes on
and the sky in its arc
no cars will stop
no calls can be made
so I throw the phone away
and hope for the moonlight
but it's a new moon
even though there's no new night

I ruin all my shoes on bits of broken glass
on my way home, but I don't know
which way is that?

I don't know
Which way is that?
Which way is that?

Am I close? Am I far?
Do I know? Who I am?
What I are? X2

I hone in on the tallest of towers
but I know it could still be hours and hours
and I hold the map in my hand
knowing it's no good in a city I no longer understand
and it's a pity, if I only had lifted a finger
or a palm-print
I could've waved this all away
had I simply known the plan
but it's too late
I'm falling and
As a man I know not
the recipe for good intentions
lest it be written upon my inventions
and destiny intertwines its lines with fate
never know the day I know I will fade
But I'll wait, because
It's all in your best interests
But I'm not into this
this cinder block, crumble under the weight of my symbols
a fickle lock
the weight of the world's the way in
to the words on the way out
I'm flailing my arms
drowning in a sea of undetonated bombs
hey now, I'm calling out
into the waves
where no one is going now
but at least I feel safe

I ruin all my shoes on bits of broken glass
on my way home, but I don't know
which way is that?

I don't know
Which way is that?
Which way is that?

Am I close? Am I far?
Do I know? Who I am?
What I are? X2
Track Name: Wilt
The pine needles fall with the snowflakes
these days get old
we rest in low graves
all I can say is though its so late
there's nothing left for us but to go away

I said that I would call and that we would talk
But I never called, we never talked
and that is how we cut our losses off
with our arms, we criss-cross immune systems
build bombs out of used inference
and tell until we've used all the views
you're the muse, but no idea lasts
when it's something new
re-aboriginal
I wonder didja know this or that
I bring you close to bring you bad
news you don't need to know
but I will stop to tell you
sell you trash
that stretches forever
into infinite collapse
its never made much of a difference
whether you're into it
or digging your grave
rhyming about the simple things
that have been put in place
I think myself away

The pine needles fall with the snowflakes
these days get old
we rest in low graves
all I can say is though its so late
there's nothing left for us but to go away

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