Duste

by Plainspoke

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about

I tried on controversy during the pursuit of the dust I seek. Write your own reason for its meaning.

This is the digital version, which is less complete than the physical version. I made five copies of that. All distributed, and that is all there will be. Enjoy what you get.

credits

released July 8, 2012

Recorded in the space between my kitchen and couch room, to the sounds of a life in stop-motion, and the accompaniment of my heavy breathing.

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Plainspoke Denver, Colorado

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Track Name: A Little Love
I'm tired of making this all up
tired of making you call my luck
tired of getting so bent out of shape
I can't get back out
I'm shapeless now
and I'm a boy and I can dream and I can live and I can scream
and I can maintain this pain in my chest
and I can hold onto this pain in my head
and I can't predict the future but I can predict at few turns
and I can hope for the best
I can sew like I know what's ahead
falls apart when you're the man
falls apart when you try to stand
and I'm not motivated
and I don't run on change and money
and sums of monies
and I don't run away from my failures
I don't run away from my failures
don't run away from my regrets
just embrace on
just embrace while you forget
just embrace while you forget
Track Name: Waiting for Ms. Jane
you think it all goes my way
but I'm just a pawn of the plans of today
first I wait and then I break
I dream in color, black, and white
of all of our favorite things
aggregated into waves
I try to beat back the sadness
knowing it'll all be okay
I try to beat back the waves of
bad thoughts
knowing it'll all go away

and I'm a man of no one
not a single allegiance to bear
not a god to rest my head on
or a woman for whom I can care

dreams lately they fail me
wishes take the stairs
stale as my day-old dessert
that i can barely bear

this pain
it's this place
this place
which expunge the charade
Track Name: Little Mind
I drip down the wall like paint
I fall so far to come up restraint
you can cut off my limbs
you can cut off my clothes
if you can find a way to hold
no
i'm never gonna return the same man i left
i left a long time ago

so forget your needs
forget your lies
forget your time
it means nothing to me
you mean nothing to me
all of the lights turn on at once
burn the skin at once
turn the skin is one with wrong

i consume my future
i consume my usefulness
i can choose my future
i can choose my use for this
I can lose, I can win
I don't know what's coming up
I don't know what's coming up
I don't know what's
inside my little mind
Track Name: Far From Gold
change my name
soon as I came home
soon as I let go

change my rope
it won't let go once I decide to throw my life away
and go that way someday
you pull out just to remain
and pull down all of the shades
the sunlight won't fade
never change your hey

I change my face
I contort it in
all these different ways
conscripted by the slaves
my father knows no other cage
than the one which I go to stay
and fall asleep
I break my bones
I break my will to believe
that somewhere is home
but here I breathe
and I here I need hope

so far from gold
so far from gold
Track Name: Dejame Ir
por que
eso no loco
broko real
no ojo le oso
de roca por sode
no ruta ve tu va
tu luna
e tu vas
en escuela le pudan
los unas
they move us?

se boon de va
me ruin te llame
tu en ve en vano
escribe de mano
lo ave
yo
a veo

no se sabe
lo ve
a ve
roca
y da tres
a ves
y la ves
mi pelo no a vase
nueves picos vac es

se boon de va
me ruin te llame
tu en ve en vano
escribe de mano
lo ave
yo
a veo

mi papa
y mi mama
en los libros de llama
dos ninos y nada
le hijo ve para de y ve
a mi nombre es el mismo
hoy y ve

me ruin te llame
tu ve en vano
escribo de mano
lo ave
soy
a veo

he told me to wait
but I don't know what he said
I don't speak in tongues
Track Name: Wonder What I Want
Just beneath the layers
of skin, make me scared of him
so where' s the exit
when we enter through the stairs that give?
misfortune cares a bit
she carries dimes in her purse
so sit and listen while she curses
smitten with the spit and
she mutters words that murder him
scrape away at his urn
the ashes blow away so he don't learn
flashing paper planes
that we don't turn over into paper change
crumble and wait for weight to drain
while I wonder what's the difference
if all I see is the same

I wonder what I want
I wonder what I want
I wonder what I want
wonder how far I can jaunt off

I wonder what I want
I wonder what I want
I wonder what I want

Caught red-handed
before there were hands to stand with
hand-in-hand, either quick to miss
or land with what slows us
too soon before we forget
what knows us
wheezing with a reason
wheat thins and a pot of coffee
there's no god to stop me
potted plants die on the windowsill
I plan my life to end while I'm living still
my friends have did it, still I'm finishing
hand in hand
I burn away the skin so I can stand the sun
I'm simple, tied to the post
I boast of wrinkles in my clothes
and gloat about the singles I don't hold
but I'm single so I know that there's ample
time to go
ample time to grow
before I blow up
or self-combust
before I go up
and find my attic filled with dust
I'm at it, steel my magic
heart of gold won't ever rust
the coals are cold to touch
the furnace burns with my condolences
goals are rolling in with what
I question, no answers ever given much
in terms of what's left and
I'm quick to judge
because

I wonder what I want
I wonder what I want
I wonder what I want
how far I can jaunt off

I wonder what I want
I wonder what I want
I wonder what I want

lift your heart out of the recesses
I call bluff on depression
enough is enough
once I've been blessed with
what's a lesson
I don't learn
I rise with defeat
I liven up the team
and blurt out my failures
for all to see, but I don't fail
I succeed
even if I don't achieve
at least I'll be
at least I'll breathe
knowing my air don't come cheap
my meaning is valid even in alice's wonderland
I don't get small
I just come up from under, man
It's no wonder, man
I'm not a wonder man
not in demand
just one to stand
for what I believe in
even in off chances
what I believe is
we living off ashes

off our asses
sit all day and shit away our assets
skid away to manufactured back sets
a swing set on one direction
can't return, have to limp on erection
aperture, can't see it's a wreck
so we elect to re-elect the same people
to make it derelict, and angle our lines
toward reel sex, populate the future
with the futile that's left
the text is huge, so we don't need to digest it
just let it be, like the Beatles have said
but to me,
this dust covers the glass
and we don't dread it
for decades underneath, lie pristine panes
but under that, a weakness remains
never seen the sun, so afraid of its rays
never seen the plants inside of its cage
never held the frame of its neighbor in pain
but outside it just seems like
we don't know what we want
Track Name: Reason (That I Don't Believe In)
I don't want to ever leave
I don't want to ever need a reason

Tell me you're leaving
Tell me you're leaving
Tell me it's all for some god-forsaken reason
that I don't believe in
that I don't believe in

I try to eat my feelings away
I try to make them fall to the way side
like some highways built across the center of the country
take you anywhere but where you need to be

Tell me you're leaving
tell me you're leaving
tell me you're leaving
for some god-forsaken reason that I don't believe in
just tell me you're leaving

And it all means something to you
in the grand scheme of things
but I see it all in a different shade of grey
a bigger picture where nothing fits your way

So tell me you're leaving
tell me you're leaving
tell me you're leaving
for some god-forsaken reason
that I don't believe and
I don't believe in
that I don't believe in

that I don't believe in
that I don't believe in
that I don't believe in
that I don't believe in

for some god-forsaken reason
that I don't believe in
that I don't believe in
Track Name: Fall Beneath It
I am not a slim shady
man-hating feminist
white rapper
trying to find his niche
while he digs a ditch
to find the life he puts in
9to5 shifts
and try to move the foot
but it's stuck in the list
and I'm rapping 'cause I'm pissed
I'd be angry if I quit
you'd be angry if I did
so this angle's a bit
broke
but I'm not gonna get it fixed

I spoke
plain for the first time
since I spoke my name in verse and
never want to do the slow talk just to get there first
I never want to go buy just to get their words
and I'm so like
all these rappers shit
but I'm slow to notice it
wonder if I'm supposed to fix
or just float like I'm a fish
so I want to know what's in
but I'm always out
never picked for shows
and too shy to ask
so thats
heavy to hold
beating fast and barely raspy
getting old
so getting past me
is easy
just remember the bones

take it slow
don't let it get to you
take it all in at once
and you'll fall beneath it
you'll fall beneath it
no need to lose
no need to lose

Trying to prove my point
adrift with william willis
he went out to sea, out to see if he could feel it
but he never got his legs
always trying to be but days
catch up and waves
stash a face for us
to hate
make us beg for love
naked and waiting for love
I take it and I tug
my rope around my neck
trying to break the chainage up
but lexicons decipher the page
and make it complex
simple beauty in ink will fade
when I'm gone and dead
but
I'm a living blog, post until I live at large
and hope for little shards
I'll never die an old man, bold,
go slow man
so wrap myself in whittled blankets
look out the window as it rains and
hope for futures making music
while I wait for better things

take it slow
don't let it get to you
take it all in at once
and you'll fall beneath it
you'll fall beneath it
no need to lose
no need to lose

Trust myself to make the right decisions
fell from things I can't delete the image
now it's never, how it's nothing
I can't ever sound like something
I'm a complicated soul-washing
the dust out of my body
you ought to call me
but I'm always out of reach

never answer the phone
even if its you and I want to speak
but I'm true to my word that I don't know what I'm doing
make it up as I do and
I'm not confident
that's why I have a name on top of my name
just to compensate
I don't seek fame
I don't seek financial success
I don't seek swag
I don't seek sex
so take away your comments and complaints
about this ominous way to spend my summer
drawing about my name
in one word

take it slow
don't let it get to you
take it all in at once
and you'll fall beneath it
you'll fall beneath it
Track Name: It's All War
I tell you
to be true
tell you
to live in tune
with nature
with cityscape
with traffic
with everyplace
I take my time

I forgive and I forget
and I make it last forever
last forever

You may find yourself on this side
I know
If you find yourself on this side
I know

I know it's hard
but I can help you
I'm not here for your health
but your heart dude
I know it's weird when I'm a part of you
But I'm not here
I'm so far from you

I fear your heart is too
I rear my head and broom
brush away all the dust
flush away all the stuff
I know
I know it's hard
to stay around

You may find yourself

I
can only hope
for I
can never ever know

So trust
trust all that comes

Hope
hope for more
But know it's all war
Track Name: I Find Heart
Never before have I felt this dope
and it shows if I go shoulder to toe
that I've grown in my flows
and I'm blowing the soles
out of the shoes and into the mold
I brew my tea, steep it creeping out the peep
and bleeping
wonder how I can't sleep

I sleep in the
fetal position
feed him and listen
bleed till he's dripping
weed out the victims
and pick a magician
magic trick made the man
he's half the shit he gives out in plastic bits
inflict ow's if I sharpen my wits
and dish out a carpet of kicks
I click now, but it's all I can get
the prick pounds the wall and I fit
my hand into his mouth
he's landed two hundred pounds of attitude
latitude added to, the fact that its too bad he's mad at you
had a proof and put in the pudding
couldn't be glad just to use you as a cushion
he was a pushing, and he took a stance that said he was
gushing rage
he took a page from some book and looked ired my way
took him a minute to finish
and finish he did soon as I got within his limits

then he came with venom in fang
and wrang the clothes out
ketamine shame
I told him to slow down
but veteran's age
the hold-out's sticking to the flesh of the paste
the blemish is timid for the fetish that fades
that fled in place
I remember the name
tell him I did and I tell him I came
this close to the finish of the game
but I misspoke
ended my reign

the same goes
for the name yo
I'm plainspoke but it ain't showing up
with the wind that never blows enough
I came and went before I showed how tough
I change and think
I shuffle cards and blink before you pick apart
my heart, it's ink, it never scars
you think I'm hard?
I'm soft as lard, as butter cut by a knife
no other does it like I flutter by the trite
mid-flight I bite into an apple,
poison for your map I'll
toy with the spatula, no plans for coming back
I'll stir till time looks back at 'ya
matter of fact, I'm clashing with the class of never happened
since I'm backward, looking captain
ship of sad words, took a cap in
the flat verse, it never collapses
no hurt feelings when you're clapping
snapping back from bastard rapping
hats and scabs of past tense slaps in
the faces that squint when you say things
just face it, you're fading and wading into
way too fast
I'm mating my past with my made to order cast
of iron-clad attacks
and I am lying as I lie flat
no pulse, its all quiet
twenty times that
dying as I climb back
from the pit of lions
I pity the lines that never see a typeset
page
all in the mind, trapped until they exit stage
or never come alive
I'm safe from the other guys
I climb the corporate ladder from the outside
and yeah, I move that fast

Behind the shadows we hide

Vie on the battlefield
never time out
just time to guess how the saddle feels
I fly now, wings of shackled steel
to pine about
I pound my fists on ground to ground myself
and drown my tells
my bluffs are felt by the inmates
earthquake intake
no quick shave
I think it breaks
and so I link with fate
and so of Lincoln take
failure, drink it straight
sail you're raft into the breaks
and swallow shit because you like the taste
I think you might have a face
but I don't see it
out in this barren fucking place

buck the trend
I walk with friends
I walk across the desert
just to find its end
I try hard but I don't find hards
I try hard but I don't find hards

I buck the trend
I walk with friends
I walk across the desert
just to try to find its end
I try hard but I don't find hards
I try hard but I don't find hards
I find heart

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