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Duste

by Plainspoke

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1.
I'm tired of making this all up tired of making you call my luck tired of getting so bent out of shape I can't get back out I'm shapeless now and I'm a boy and I can dream and I can live and I can scream and I can maintain this pain in my chest and I can hold onto this pain in my head and I can't predict the future but I can predict at few turns and I can hope for the best I can sew like I know what's ahead falls apart when you're the man falls apart when you try to stand and I'm not motivated and I don't run on change and money and sums of monies and I don't run away from my failures I don't run away from my failures don't run away from my regrets just embrace on just embrace while you forget just embrace while you forget
2.
you think it all goes my way but I'm just a pawn of the plans of today first I wait and then I break I dream in color, black, and white of all of our favorite things aggregated into waves I try to beat back the sadness knowing it'll all be okay I try to beat back the waves of bad thoughts knowing it'll all go away and I'm a man of no one not a single allegiance to bear not a god to rest my head on or a woman for whom I can care dreams lately they fail me wishes take the stairs stale as my day-old dessert that i can barely bear this pain it's this place this place which expunge the charade
3.
4.
Little Mind 02:54
I drip down the wall like paint I fall so far to come up restraint you can cut off my limbs you can cut off my clothes if you can find a way to hold no i'm never gonna return the same man i left i left a long time ago so forget your needs forget your lies forget your time it means nothing to me you mean nothing to me all of the lights turn on at once burn the skin at once turn the skin is one with wrong i consume my future i consume my usefulness i can choose my future i can choose my use for this I can lose, I can win I don't know what's coming up I don't know what's coming up I don't know what's inside my little mind
5.
change my name soon as I came home soon as I let go change my rope it won't let go once I decide to throw my life away and go that way someday you pull out just to remain and pull down all of the shades the sunlight won't fade never change your hey I change my face I contort it in all these different ways conscripted by the slaves my father knows no other cage than the one which I go to stay and fall asleep I break my bones I break my will to believe that somewhere is home but here I breathe and I here I need hope so far from gold so far from gold
6.
Dejame Ir 03:06
por que eso no loco broko real no ojo le oso de roca por sode no ruta ve tu va tu luna e tu vas en escuela le pudan los unas they move us? se boon de va me ruin te llame tu en ve en vano escribe de mano lo ave yo a veo no se sabe lo ve a ve roca y da tres a ves y la ves mi pelo no a vase nueves picos vac es se boon de va me ruin te llame tu en ve en vano escribe de mano lo ave yo a veo mi papa y mi mama en los libros de llama dos ninos y nada le hijo ve para de y ve a mi nombre es el mismo hoy y ve me ruin te llame tu ve en vano escribo de mano lo ave soy a veo he told me to wait but I don't know what he said I don't speak in tongues
7.
Just beneath the layers of skin, make me scared of him so where' s the exit when we enter through the stairs that give? misfortune cares a bit she carries dimes in her purse so sit and listen while she curses smitten with the spit and she mutters words that murder him scrape away at his urn the ashes blow away so he don't learn flashing paper planes that we don't turn over into paper change crumble and wait for weight to drain while I wonder what's the difference if all I see is the same I wonder what I want I wonder what I want I wonder what I want wonder how far I can jaunt off I wonder what I want I wonder what I want I wonder what I want Caught red-handed before there were hands to stand with hand-in-hand, either quick to miss or land with what slows us too soon before we forget what knows us wheezing with a reason wheat thins and a pot of coffee there's no god to stop me potted plants die on the windowsill I plan my life to end while I'm living still my friends have did it, still I'm finishing hand in hand I burn away the skin so I can stand the sun I'm simple, tied to the post I boast of wrinkles in my clothes and gloat about the singles I don't hold but I'm single so I know that there's ample time to go ample time to grow before I blow up or self-combust before I go up and find my attic filled with dust I'm at it, steel my magic heart of gold won't ever rust the coals are cold to touch the furnace burns with my condolences goals are rolling in with what I question, no answers ever given much in terms of what's left and I'm quick to judge because I wonder what I want I wonder what I want I wonder what I want how far I can jaunt off I wonder what I want I wonder what I want I wonder what I want lift your heart out of the recesses I call bluff on depression enough is enough once I've been blessed with what's a lesson I don't learn I rise with defeat I liven up the team and blurt out my failures for all to see, but I don't fail I succeed even if I don't achieve at least I'll be at least I'll breathe knowing my air don't come cheap my meaning is valid even in alice's wonderland I don't get small I just come up from under, man It's no wonder, man I'm not a wonder man not in demand just one to stand for what I believe in even in off chances what I believe is we living off ashes off our asses sit all day and shit away our assets skid away to manufactured back sets a swing set on one direction can't return, have to limp on erection aperture, can't see it's a wreck so we elect to re-elect the same people to make it derelict, and angle our lines toward reel sex, populate the future with the futile that's left the text is huge, so we don't need to digest it just let it be, like the Beatles have said but to me, this dust covers the glass and we don't dread it for decades underneath, lie pristine panes but under that, a weakness remains never seen the sun, so afraid of its rays never seen the plants inside of its cage never held the frame of its neighbor in pain but outside it just seems like we don't know what we want
8.
I don't want to ever leave I don't want to ever need a reason Tell me you're leaving Tell me you're leaving Tell me it's all for some god-forsaken reason that I don't believe in that I don't believe in I try to eat my feelings away I try to make them fall to the way side like some highways built across the center of the country take you anywhere but where you need to be Tell me you're leaving tell me you're leaving tell me you're leaving for some god-forsaken reason that I don't believe in just tell me you're leaving And it all means something to you in the grand scheme of things but I see it all in a different shade of grey a bigger picture where nothing fits your way So tell me you're leaving tell me you're leaving tell me you're leaving for some god-forsaken reason that I don't believe and I don't believe in that I don't believe in that I don't believe in that I don't believe in that I don't believe in that I don't believe in for some god-forsaken reason that I don't believe in that I don't believe in
9.
I am not a slim shady man-hating feminist white rapper trying to find his niche while he digs a ditch to find the life he puts in 9to5 shifts and try to move the foot but it's stuck in the list and I'm rapping 'cause I'm pissed I'd be angry if I quit you'd be angry if I did so this angle's a bit broke but I'm not gonna get it fixed I spoke plain for the first time since I spoke my name in verse and never want to do the slow talk just to get there first I never want to go buy just to get their words and I'm so like all these rappers shit but I'm slow to notice it wonder if I'm supposed to fix or just float like I'm a fish so I want to know what's in but I'm always out never picked for shows and too shy to ask so thats heavy to hold beating fast and barely raspy getting old so getting past me is easy just remember the bones take it slow don't let it get to you take it all in at once and you'll fall beneath it you'll fall beneath it no need to lose no need to lose Trying to prove my point adrift with william willis he went out to sea, out to see if he could feel it but he never got his legs always trying to be but days catch up and waves stash a face for us to hate make us beg for love naked and waiting for love I take it and I tug my rope around my neck trying to break the chainage up but lexicons decipher the page and make it complex simple beauty in ink will fade when I'm gone and dead but I'm a living blog, post until I live at large and hope for little shards I'll never die an old man, bold, go slow man so wrap myself in whittled blankets look out the window as it rains and hope for futures making music while I wait for better things take it slow don't let it get to you take it all in at once and you'll fall beneath it you'll fall beneath it no need to lose no need to lose Trust myself to make the right decisions fell from things I can't delete the image now it's never, how it's nothing I can't ever sound like something I'm a complicated soul-washing the dust out of my body you ought to call me but I'm always out of reach never answer the phone even if its you and I want to speak but I'm true to my word that I don't know what I'm doing make it up as I do and I'm not confident that's why I have a name on top of my name just to compensate I don't seek fame I don't seek financial success I don't seek swag I don't seek sex so take away your comments and complaints about this ominous way to spend my summer drawing about my name in one word take it slow don't let it get to you take it all in at once and you'll fall beneath it you'll fall beneath it
10.
It's All War 02:40
I tell you to be true tell you to live in tune with nature with cityscape with traffic with everyplace I take my time I forgive and I forget and I make it last forever last forever You may find yourself on this side I know If you find yourself on this side I know I know it's hard but I can help you I'm not here for your health but your heart dude I know it's weird when I'm a part of you But I'm not here I'm so far from you I fear your heart is too I rear my head and broom brush away all the dust flush away all the stuff I know I know it's hard to stay around You may find yourself I can only hope for I can never ever know So trust trust all that comes Hope hope for more But know it's all war
11.
I Find Heart 03:36
Never before have I felt this dope and it shows if I go shoulder to toe that I've grown in my flows and I'm blowing the soles out of the shoes and into the mold I brew my tea, steep it creeping out the peep and bleeping wonder how I can't sleep I sleep in the fetal position feed him and listen bleed till he's dripping weed out the victims and pick a magician magic trick made the man he's half the shit he gives out in plastic bits inflict ow's if I sharpen my wits and dish out a carpet of kicks I click now, but it's all I can get the prick pounds the wall and I fit my hand into his mouth he's landed two hundred pounds of attitude latitude added to, the fact that its too bad he's mad at you had a proof and put in the pudding couldn't be glad just to use you as a cushion he was a pushing, and he took a stance that said he was gushing rage he took a page from some book and looked ired my way took him a minute to finish and finish he did soon as I got within his limits then he came with venom in fang and wrang the clothes out ketamine shame I told him to slow down but veteran's age the hold-out's sticking to the flesh of the paste the blemish is timid for the fetish that fades that fled in place I remember the name tell him I did and I tell him I came this close to the finish of the game but I misspoke ended my reign the same goes for the name yo I'm plainspoke but it ain't showing up with the wind that never blows enough I came and went before I showed how tough I change and think I shuffle cards and blink before you pick apart my heart, it's ink, it never scars you think I'm hard? I'm soft as lard, as butter cut by a knife no other does it like I flutter by the trite mid-flight I bite into an apple, poison for your map I'll toy with the spatula, no plans for coming back I'll stir till time looks back at 'ya matter of fact, I'm clashing with the class of never happened since I'm backward, looking captain ship of sad words, took a cap in the flat verse, it never collapses no hurt feelings when you're clapping snapping back from bastard rapping hats and scabs of past tense slaps in the faces that squint when you say things just face it, you're fading and wading into way too fast I'm mating my past with my made to order cast of iron-clad attacks and I am lying as I lie flat no pulse, its all quiet twenty times that dying as I climb back from the pit of lions I pity the lines that never see a typeset page all in the mind, trapped until they exit stage or never come alive I'm safe from the other guys I climb the corporate ladder from the outside and yeah, I move that fast Behind the shadows we hide Vie on the battlefield never time out just time to guess how the saddle feels I fly now, wings of shackled steel to pine about I pound my fists on ground to ground myself and drown my tells my bluffs are felt by the inmates earthquake intake no quick shave I think it breaks and so I link with fate and so of Lincoln take failure, drink it straight sail you're raft into the breaks and swallow shit because you like the taste I think you might have a face but I don't see it out in this barren fucking place buck the trend I walk with friends I walk across the desert just to find its end I try hard but I don't find hards I try hard but I don't find hards I buck the trend I walk with friends I walk across the desert just to try to find its end I try hard but I don't find hards I try hard but I don't find hards I find heart
12.
Duste 03:52

about

I tried on controversy during the pursuit of the dust I seek. Write your own reason for its meaning.

This is the digital version, which is less complete than the physical version. I made five copies of that. All distributed, and that is all there will be. Enjoy what you get.

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released July 8, 2012

Recorded in the space between my kitchen and couch room, to the sounds of a life in stop-motion, and the accompaniment of my heavy breathing.

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Plainspoke Denver, Colorado

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