1. |
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I'm out of breath
climbing up and down the stairs that I step
walking around in circles, talking to pretty girls on the internet
the world's spinning, closer to the sun than it was before it finished
I think I'm done, but torn at forgiveness and giving it my best
I'm born of a different thread, made of less material with more to stretch
Ethereal—a lightness and delicate rightness
a delegate to my ship in the whiteness of ice flows and islands
I divide my time between this and that and combine them
Discombobulate the populace, the spineless swine that you find when you copy this
Everything is only just inside your head, but you stop it with
the time that you spend inside the shit, where everyone is dead
and diamonds don't exist, all the wonders are things you climb up to get
all the good books have been read and writ, the dives serve the best guts and bits
I find the earth destroyed by the tiny words of little boys dressed as gentlemen
the suits are facades, covering up the stench of them
I know my place but I refuse to name it
for fear of it becoming no more safe than the name that I take when
everything's dissolved into the pavement
blue skies are shaming us with our windowless halls
and obsession with the famous, drifting through malls
spending our change on vending machine staples
made in packages of plastic with warning labels
I believe the fables, all the gable-roofed houses, with 2.8 children and a dog
nothing about them ever set off an alarm, no one shouting for their mom
the clouds been off and on, I'm all about them but their gone
moving out west, but I still can't move past the rest of my life
and into the next set of perpetually bad advice
I bite down, cut up my lips, making the right sound,
of the way the pain makes everything around you better than this
I rip away my chains, and drown too, becoming obsolete
a body in a body, two objects, meaning nothing to me
I had a hobby, wanting to make a life out of ABC's
but there's nothing about me, that's particularly spectacular
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2. |
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I'm too serious, never smile, my lips are cracked from the cold and bitten while
I'm pacing to make space for minutes replacing minutes, every day,
superimposing limits on limits
I say the same things, like welcome to the club,
and spend my days tasting a life without love
I feign happiness, rather than having it,
hope for better things, but never savage it
The letter brings good news, but I will never open it
for fear of being bad, catastrophe is closing in
searing the pan, coated in my dearest man
I've chosen this
In here I stand, my clothes are dipped
in wax, preparations have all been zipped
I can quit the act, revolving doors close on the equipment that's
normal, tired of the rats, in the corn hole, looking for the ass
and born whole, my skin is a patch covering up the birth defects
on the inside I'm a circuit that doesn't connect
out here you can assemble me in k-nex
in there you can find me and put in a support request
I can fix myself, I'm qualified to do my best
But when I mix the gels, sometimes I feel like it's less
The kitchen's 12 feet from the bed
It's 2am, I'm awake, and looking to be fed
But I am safe, alone in my cage, twiddling my thumbs even though they're not full-gauge
turn the page in the sketch-pad
working on a new regret and digging my debt in
deeper, like the hole in my dentin
I fear sleepers are all around us, pod-people
not a sound is made, perhaps god is evil and we're all his slaves
the sod feels much like a grave, soft and odd equal
I talk in my dreams of electric sheep
Seams are riveted, or so it seems
we're legitimate, just no one believes in this innocence
no one can see that we're different
creatures of machines with intellect
tired of this divide
we go back to the future
with the doctor who's on our side
yo, he'll school you with double hockey sticks
and compromises, nothing 'bout politics
and common sizes of college dicks
I close my eyelids, hoping to daydream
but inside is my lid, reaffirming I am a machine
it leaves me crying, tears of silver gleam
I am a machine, made of metal
I am a man, made of flesh
and I know no level
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3. |
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If you wait too long, everything smells like shit
And the bars of our cages dissolve but still exist
We turn the pages of our books, look at the blank text
Took our time getting here, fear of putting back regrets
No greener grass on the other side of the fence
I'm a fiend of cash, in the sense of the things I resent
Connect me to that, I have no defense
The meat is bad but I will eat it since
no great effort was ever achieved with equivalence
I always say that never-said is better than insignificant
But my flaw reveals itself, and the road it never quits
even after I peter out on top of the clouds
on the ground lies the means to an end
that doesn't exist in my frown
in it lies the key to the smile I insist can wait awhile
before it's unveiled to the public
But by the time I'm out, I'm day old bread, nothing to fuck with
Talk of the town is somebody's dead, but I'm off the hook
Out of my mind and trapped in bed, nobody took a second look
In my head, thoughts are swirling
I was the man with all the answers, now my cause is turning
into Faust and cancer of the heart, corporeal's something to stand for, even if you can't feel the hand
pulling you apart
I've got my blinders on while they run with this
But I am gone, beneath the underground is a tunnel 'sys
Funnels in the sewage and water, not just shit but other fluids
Concrete guards up against the shards of human flesh
moving through it,
I block my chest, knowing my blood's turning a darker hue as
I ingest that which is true and I reject the world you say is black and blue
But I come back up for air every once in a while
and find myself again, a human being living life by the sundial
that you and me are no more foreigners than other people also born on planet earth
We burn just the same in sunshine and acid rain
Try to find a better name
But I can't compare to the one that's mine
It's only fair to give full disclosure
I'm out there and in here's just a folder
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4. |
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5. |
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I wish I had them written...
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6. |
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I lay in bed
trying to describe the way I said it
Lying through my teeth, but I don't regret it
It's time to see the world for what it be
But I'm just a baby, stumbling over my a-b-c's
And maybe, someday I'll be able to reach
that high shelf, when I can really speak
for myself, until then I'll find help
working out my mind, disabling my blinders
opening up to some new kind of rhyme words
Able enough to stand on one foot
and hobble my way up to having done good
I would if I could but
I don't make compromises
I just take all of it and weigh the different sizes
Fall a bit, find my way disguises the walls as quit
So I climb over the eyelids, finding patterns in the blind bliss
While I dive in, the time slips, and days and weeks
become waiting patiently for a fading vacancy
I aim to please but end up hating these
I measure myself up to others
pull it down, pull it down
I need this to keep growing
keep growing up
pull it down, pull it down
I need this to keep growing
keep growing up
growing up
on a bench, sitting on a corner
step into traffic and give up my life for lent
nothing out of order
I'm not catholic or christian, jewish or buddhist
islam ain't my business, but all religion, I boot it
tuning my soul to the right frequency, I can fail and win
back on the train again, after I fell off the road that came and went
I was thorow for a bit then raymond with his shaving kit
taking all the music, looking for that fabled kiss
and losing pace with all the kids that label this
as gay, but it doesn't phase me
'cause every dozen tracks, I come up with one that's sort of okay
it gets the plays, lately
and for that, I keep going, moving forward and back
hoping that this rhyme I write
won't be my last
I measure myself up to others
pull it down, pull it down
I need this to keep growing
keep growing up
pull it down, pull it down
I need this to keep growing
keep growing up
growing up
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7. |
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I learned my lesson
but I didn't teach it
now i'm digressing
living my life in secret
a thousand messages
to people i've never been seen with
only vestiges
of lives i've dreamed to lead bits
i right my wrongs with double negatives
and move along, dragging my feet across the line
that's been redrawn
and I pace myself in every song
as long as the strings of fate
hold me in this simple place
or pull me to a different state
I can wait but I'll be the last to leave
last to clear my plate
of all the fallen splintered leaves
I stake my claim
but winter needs
more than I have to give
I flee to repeat
but forget to live
you think it's so long
five weeks
here and then it's gone
five weeks
here and then it's gone
five weeks
here and then it's gone
don't mind me
I'm just wiping my eyes
looking for relationships
that seem to come in short supply
like vacant ships
docked at shore for all their life
so they can sit
and think about what they didn't do right
or get whipped like slaves
that did what they wanted
no matter what their master said
day or night, I just don't want it
put that mast to bed
wind moving west past my head
it's land from here on and
pouring out my chest
not just blood but pure bonds
I wish myself the best
you think it's so long
five weeks
here and then it's gone
five weeks
here and then it's gone
five weeks
here and then it's gone
here and then it's gone
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8. |
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9. |
Silver Lining
03:40
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I feign my emotions, I hide them
a smile keeps 'em steady for awhile
but the coals get compressed into diamonds
they're scooped up
I cry 'cause
I'm moved by the blue stuff
that flows and ebbs
moving into and out of my chests
closing, tighter and tighter
must look left, look right
or everything is farther
the days melt into nights
I'm looking like my father, a statue
molded to attack you
from inside its cage,
locked away, but there's no safety
the only escape is in a razor blade,
that will always wait for me
our names are echoes of our former selves
that never let go, but hold onto the past on every shelf
I pass another window, it's closed like the last
but this one has a dim glow, a sign behind the glass
They need help; I wonder what with though
Should I enter, or think about it, a question never too simple
The thinning out of symbols
No more music, just the clash of cymbals
My muse is a true story wrapped in lies
Because they sparkle best
Just like the eyes
Remember me before I forget
Why I
I sit
In a haystack of needles, looking for the silver lining
where no one has been to feel
but you can't deny me
that one thing must be real
I just want to find it X2
I knock down the doors looking for the porch
sitting looking at people, smile laugh, it's winter
snow should be lovely but it's ugly, reflecting inward
at the dust that doesn't touch me, the frozen cinders
rescinding one me and all of the money
it's funny how
the ride swings back and forth
like a pendulum if you know what that is for
my life is ending
but not the stack of chores
it's periods of dissenting
that chose to crack the doors
Look for the light just outside the entrance
I can't find it, 'cause my eyes is broken
no lending,
but the lies have been spoken
my wounds can't be mended
I can't swim or float no more
succumb to the feeling of drowning
the burning in my throat
or
the lungs full of sound
or sinking thoughts
I drink it down but
never think of the cost
I'm poor
wouldn't say I'm lost
just stuck at a cross roads
I don't know though
I'm at a loss so
I sit
In a haystack of needles, looking for the silver lining
where no one has been to feel
but you can't deny me
that one thing must be real
I just want to find it X4
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